*This entry is from one of my newest Sissy Camp Trainees* 

This past week has been filled with intense eroticism. I’ve savored every written word from Mistress Lillith. Reading and soaking them in over and over again.

“[Just] like I’ll have your sissy ass worked with a dildo at some point ;)”

My mind ravenously extending the idea into a full blown fantasy, building on the suggestion and filling in all the missing details. In one instance a cam session at my house. Another, Mistress Lillith in tight red latex is standing there next to me. A slow motion video with me as the protagonist plays on an endless loop. Orgasm… The mind is the most powerful errogenous zone.

“…if you over step a bounds or are in need of discipline…I never shy away 😉 you will find yourself learning how to treat and respect a Mistress.”

Thoughts of the impending loss of control, and in some instances, the present loss of control, overwhelm. Drifting slowly into sleep and twitching back out again as I hear a mantra: “I am sissy… I enjoy all things feminine…” “Oh my gosh I’m being trained!” The thought jolts into my head suddenly like something akin to panic.

These are deep, powerful emotions of lust and eroticism being drawn out after a lifetime of being largely unfulfilled.

How can I serve Mistress Lillith? I can be obedient and respectful. But is that really adequate compensation for the experience she’s giving me? Anyway, that’s more the process of serving, not actually serving itself. Our setup does not faciliate physical servitude. I can’t clean her house or mow her lawn, and if I could–creepy factor aside for a moment in this fantasy–it’s still nowhere close to proportional for her unwrapping these deeply held, occasionally repressed, incredible feelings inside of me.

And who is enjoying this more? No doubt a lifestyle pro domme like Mistress Lillith finds some mild enjoyment or amusement in this. How else can one explain the photo shoot in a corset and Darth Vader helmet? She also may be more callous to the novelty of it all. I mean there are probably thousands of Niteflirt subs–all with one thing on their mind–and all who act and behave almost exactly the same. She’s seen this before. Again, who enjoys this more? Let’s just say our play together is almost certainly not borderline changing Mistress Lillith’s sexual identity!

What is the best way to serve Mistress Lillith? Money is the best way. It allows me to pay to have her lawn mowed, or have her house cleaned, or whatever else *she needs*. It allows me to be a useful, helpful servant. I will be obedient and respectful and always pay well for taking up any of her time, and to express my gratitude for her offering me an opportunity to explore this kinky lifestyle and introduce me first hand to femdom.