Diary Entry: A Stern Chat and Redirection Pt. 2

Something’s is different with me. The past couple of days my go to search term alone at night is “sissy sex slave” or “submissive sex slave”. But this is new. Despite years (or decades?) of a sissy fetish somehow I’ve managed not to follow this route so much.

The chains, and whips, and bondage. The humiliation. This next paragraph invovles EXTREME humiliation so the reader is asked to just skip ahead if neccessary *^-^*

Thursday night I came across a video called “Slave Training”. It appeared to be taking place in a cellar, or a dungeon. It didn’t quite seem like an amateur video, but it definitely wasn’t a professional shoot either. Perhaps the recording equipment was slightly higher quality or more accurately the players in the scene clearly did this type of thing as a lifestyle. A woman was naked on her knees on the concrete floor. Next to her holding her leash was a dominatrix, her shoulders covered in leather and thin chains drapped around her body in loops. She was orchestrating the entire scene. She was in control. Mutlipe cocks extended out from behind a black curtain hanging from the ceiling on one side of the cellar. One after another the dominatrix forced the slave girl’s mouth on to the cocks, pushing her head down on them and slapping her a little. One after another after another the slave girl was dragged down the line, choking on each man hidden behind the curtain. Few words were spoken. Next the slave was moved to the middle of the room, and then suddenly, the curtain was ripped down by the men standing behind it. 7 or so of them stood there stroking themselves, staring at her. The slave girl gasped and stood to her feet, only to realize her role again and get back on her knees. What happened next has stayed with me. The domina got on all fours in the middle of the cellar in a submissive position. Another top came up behind her and placed a bulb of a whiteish enema type liquid in her ass, filling her with it. The dominatrix tugged on her slave’s leash, bring the slaves face inches from her ass, close enough to smell her. And then, she expelled the liquid in bursts all over the slaves face. One after another after another…. White-ish liquid expelled from her ass, soaking the slaves face and hair. The slave was shaken. She was visibly shaken. This wasn’t acting (or it was professional level acting). This was hardcore kinky shit among, I think, players in the lifestyle who video tapped themselves breaking in a sex slave and then posted it on the internet, maybe making some money along the way.

Speaking as a submissive, I’m like 100% certain that I would NEVER be able to look that dominatrix in the eye, or make chit-chat, or do anything but SUBMIT and OBEY if she had orchestrated a scene like that with me in it. She would have completely and utterly broken me. That was some hardcore power exchange and humiliation.

How is this diary entry reflecting Part 2 of Thursday night’s chat? That’s a good question and I’m not sure it is honestly. So maybe my writing got away from me a bit.

Mistress Lillith and I made a connection on Thursday night. I gained a better feel for her as a top and a person, and I saw a side of her I was hoping to for a while. I’ve been savoring it and replaying it over and over again in my mind. In all seriousness, I feel like I’m taking a first few steps into a lifestyle of becoming a sissy sex slave.

Let’s say I complete Mistress Lillith’s training two or so months from now. Do I ever come back from it and suddenly not be a submissive sissy? I don’t think that’s a realistic outcome. There’s also this itch to submit as a bottom. This training is altering and refining my sexual identity. And I’m excited.


Once you are a submissive, you will always be a submissive. You don’t really come back from it. Let’s say that someone does the inevitable sissy purge…you are still a submissive. PRETENDING to NOT be a submissive or pretending to NOT be a sissy, doesn’t make you any less of one. All it means is that you are living in a state of denial.

Complete the training and you have a firm grasp and foundation of what is expected from a sissy and how to be a sissy – afterwards, we get to have the real fun and explore beyond the basics of sissyfication.

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