Diary Entry: Sissy Bottoms Should Never try to Top

During week 2 of Mistress Lillith’s training she had something come up IRL that rightly required her attention. They were a difficult 7 days for me. I was new to her training and felt like I needed a lot of instruction, boundaries, a lot of structure. I remember watching several videos of female subs being flogged by dommes and other tops (most subs are females, it now occurs to me). Strangely, it had a deeply soothing and reassuring effect on me. I vividly remember watching some of these videos and reading about d/s relationships and thinking “I just need to wait patiently for my Mistress.” But this was all being created in my own mind and I actually have little experience with this type of relationship and so doubt crept in.

How should I be behaving?

In week 4, after completing a particularly arousing assignment, I lost my composure. I was pining hard for Mistress Lillith. She is more experienced than I am and has a better understanding of our relationship and what is objectively happening.

I am less experienced and it’s easier for me to confuse our relationship and get carried away by some of the most powerful feelings a person can experience.

I had expectations and made demands of Mistress Lillith.

I think my reaction was a typical pyschological one. But it was not acceptable for a sissy bottom. And I have goals to be a better sissy bottom.

“You are the submissive. I am the Mistress. You came to ME with a need. Follow my lead. Period.”

Yes Mistress. It’s what I needed to hear.

“You belong to me.” “I’m okay releasing you should you feel the need.”

Ownership. Consent. Thank you Mistress.

OMG Mistress Lillith sent me a personal video too (what an amazing domme!!!).

“I am your Mistress. You fucking belong to me. You want to be my bitch? You want more of me? I hope you’re ready.” “You serve me. Not the other way around.”

Yes Mistress.


Sometimes when a newer sissy is going through sissy school and training with me, they will have new and intense feelings that will overpower them. Think of renewed hormones, thing of that teenage angst. It is very similar to that.

Yes, it is important to understand that Dommes, Mistresses, your Sissy trainers, they are people too- there are lives that we have and live outside of our sessions – be it online or in person.

While the feelings can be very intense, and you can have a very strong connection with your Mistress – and right then and there she may be your whole world – understand there is more to the picture. I don’t always share with my subs and sissies the ongoings of my personal life – in this instance I was taking care of an elderly family member that had been hurt. Why do I share this? Simply to say – don’t act as though you are the center of the world or the one and only thing that she is focused on. You could actually damage your relationship with your Mistress by making demands and assumptions.

Here, this sissy was learning. Im slow to anger and adore this sissy – she just needed some redirection.

I am the Mistress, I am the Sissy Trainer, it is I who will be obeyed and I who make the demands. NOT the other way around. 

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